An elderly....

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>
>
> An elderly gentleman...
> Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the
> doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing
> aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
> The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the
> doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really
> pleased that you can hear again."
> The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet.
> I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my
> will three times!"
>
>
>
> Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench
> under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years
> old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my
> age. How do you feel?"
> Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
> "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
> "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
>
>
>
> An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after
> eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.
> The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out
> to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very
> highly."
> The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"
> The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name
> of that flower you give to someone you love?
> You know... The one that's red and has thorns."
> "Do you mean a rose?"
> "Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the
> kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went
> to last night?"
>
>
> Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being
> discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one
> elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a
> suitcase at his feet, who insisted he! Didn't need my help to leave
> the hospital.
> After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him
> to the elevator.
> On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
> "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom
> changing out of her hospital gown."
>
>
>
> Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things.
> During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay,
> but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember
>
> Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his
> chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.
> "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"
> "Sure."
> "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks.
> "No, I can remember it."
> "Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write
> it down, so's not to forget it?"
> He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with
> strawberries."
> "I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it
> down?" she asks.
> Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it!
> Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness
> sake!"
> Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
> The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of
> bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
> "Where's my toast ?"
>
>
> Three old guys are out walking.
> First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"
> Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"
> Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."
>
>
>
> A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It
> cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's
> perfect."
> "Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"
> "Twelve thirty."
>
>
>
> Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
> A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a
> gorgeous young woman on his arm.
> A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're
> really doing great, aren't you?"
> Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and
> be cheerful.'"
> The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart
> murmur; be careful."
>
>
> One more. . .!
>
>
> A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled
> himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his
> breath, he ordered a banana split.
> The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
> "No," he replied, "Arthritis."
>
> Like those?
>
> Now , before you 'forget', send them on to some other folks you know
> who could use a good laff !

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